What is Not Good Enough

What is Not Good Enough

Within the human psyche lies the self esteem. This is the value or worth we place on ourselves and by the age of six, this value can be so corrupted and desecrated that it is very likely to seriously inhibit that person’s ability to seriously enjoy life. Put simply; we doubt ourselves and our ability to do or achieve things.

Unfortunately, due to the way society has evolved the majority of people hold a quite fragile self esteem that is supported by many types of negative beliefs; these are subconscious beliefs and thoughts learned and fostered during our formative years as we grew up.

To make matters worse, the brain’s subconscious runs 24 hours a day, and how we react to events and people in our life are pretty strictly controlled by what is going on at the subconscious level and by what we believes in, so having a low self esteem will have consequences. Incidentally, the bottom line is that the subconscious is immensely powerful and even when we are awake; it controls 90% of our waking life. 

All of us have our own inner fears, beliefs, opinions. These inner assumptions rule and govern our lives. A suggestion has no power in and of itself. its power arises from the fact that you accept it mentally.Joseph Murphy, The Power of Your Subconscious Mind            

The self esteem, our experiences and the beliefs we hold mould us into the adults we later become. But when we have a low self esteem together with having negative beliefs, their combination will make it more difficult, some say traitorous, for us as we attempt to cope with making the best of life. Those beliefs create thoughts and perspectives that will shape our purpose, our direction and obscure the true meaning of the life we lead. Life will become more stressful, resulting in more mental health issues as we find in world today.

These limiting beliefs are only learned at an early age from our parents (who learnt from their parents), caregivers, schooling, culture and society in general. Beliefs are learnt and we have to know how to review them, unlearn some and create some new ones that truly do serve us. This requires commitment and courage because subliminal messages are constantly being issued in western society that reinforce the need to be and feel better, even though they are largely false messages they appeal to our poor self esteem and hey-ho: spending money will make you feel better.

The only way to feel better, and be better is to understand that we are all in the same boat, but due to our personal experiences we all have different outlooks. This means we have differing beliefs, although sadly we are often unaware of the beliefs we hold. It is not as if we had lessons in school about what we believe in, where those beliefs came from, and what they do and don’t do for us. Perhaps beliefs should be put on the educational curriculum? We have to learn how to overcome our acquired negative beliefs about ourselves as they are obstacles that will often limit our progress in life, which is why they are also called limiting beliefs.

The good news is by identifying what limiting beliefs you hold, you can become less of a slave to the conditioning that may have impeded your progress to date. This understanding opens up the opportunity of having less stress, better health and gears you up to having potentially more hope and greater happiness in life.

The Core Limiting Belief - NGE

Rather than complicating matters, understanding your limiting beliefs can be quite easy; after all they have been acquired, and as such can be unlearnt. Consider that all the negative limiting beliefs that people have are firstly at the subconscious level meaning they affect the life you lead and the value you put on yourself.

Secondly, limiting beliefs have at their source the most dominant and pernicious belief of all: of being Not Good Enough (or NGE for short). We all have NGE to some degree or another, some big, some medium and some small. The problem is that we don’t know it is there and if we do, we don’t talk about it. Maybe we should hashtag it; #NGE?

We don’t talk about Not being Good Enough because as a society we not only judge others to feel better about ourselves, but are ashamed to even think that we are Not Good Enough, and shame incidentally carries its on amazing subversive power leveraged by guilt. So limiting beliefs actually restricts our ability to be honest with ourselves and others; it is a vicious subconscious cycle of self sabotage, but it does not have to be so.   

If we take NGE from the shadows, and focus on it, we can perhaps see the hidden pandemic of NGE that causes a multitude of hardships; stress, mental health issues, conflict, death and even wars, it has troubled humankinds progress since time immemorial. This is not a new idea or concept, NGE has around for millennia, and has been identified in all walks of life, to the rich and famous that experience imposter syndrome, to us ordinary folk, who experience struggle, disappointments, anxiety, depression and ill-health.

NGE has created a breakdown in relationships, with one self, and others and has been the cause as people wanting to feel good enough about themselves by suppressing and controlling others, leading to over 200 million lives being lost in war alone last century. No one has counted the damage to the countless casualties these conflicts created, but I assume the numbers could run into over a billion.

Humanity has an innate desire to want to feel better. This part of our survival instinct, but we have great difficulty in approaching and judging ourselves fairly because being Not Good Enough feels like a “weakness”, and being weak is a threat to our existence. However, the counter intuitive approach has more courage: to accept ourself as we are, flaws and all, will immeasurably reward us. Our fragile self esteem and lack self worth clouds any understanding that it is Good Enough, believing the unfounded false belief that we are Not Good Enough.  

NGE is present in everyone and we must not shirk our responsibility for ourselves, to accept that we are who we are; misprogrammed, faulty conditioned, misrepresented, misguided, and certainly good enough!   

Remember this not a subject that everyone that everyone wishes to raise, “Hello, how not good enough are you today?” but maybe we should? Taking responsibility for our NGE, reduces its subconscious power over us, and brings us nearer to accepting ourselves.

Consider this: Have you ever asked yourself outright;

“I do not feel good enough today because ………….?” or

“I don’t feel good enough when …………..?”

The dots after “because” and “when” are important. Write something there resonates with you.

If you have put something there, beware, because you may have judged something external to you. And your judgement may be totally wrong, because your NGE filters misinterpreted the situation.

Those dots are just symbolic of the NGE programming we all have to varying degrees that influences daily life; whatever you put maybe proof that NGE exists within your belief system; whatever you fill in could be a seed for an excuse for feeling NGE at the deepest level. Unless our excuses are curtailed, they can grow into an insidious forest of blame, robbing you of the opportunity to take responsibility for your own complicit acceptance of your NGE. The subconscious you see, rules our conscious until that is; you take note and act on it.

This is a form of not taking responsibility of how you feel and is in psychology terms called the self saboteur at work, which is made a hundred times worse because we deeply believe what we think, and with the subconscious controlling much of everyday life, we act on those thoughts, which are rife with NGE. 

The immense power of NGE, brings another extremely unhealthy aspect of our subconscious life to fruit; victimhood or victim consciousness - because it is not deliberate, it is after a conditioned programme. Victim consciousness pervades every aspect of society, even though it is another false limiting belief, yet unlike NGE, it is much more visible in today’s world.

The seeds of victim consciousness were sown in childhood, when we did not have any responsibility. When we were babies we needed some very basic rules to feel safe and nurtured, I call it FLUK; Fairness, Love, Understanding and Kinship.

 When a part of FLUK was not met, we subconsciously did not feel good enough. When grown up, certain situations will evoke the lack of FLUK we experienced in childhood, and quite naturally we don’t want to feel that lack again, so naturally we want to feel better. However, at the subconscious level we subtly evoke a form of child-like helplessness and powerlessness, that makes wanting to feel better more difficult.

As adults we unknowingly act our childhood powerlessness once again, rendering us helpless and lost, confused that can often lead to anger and rage as the way of the passive aggressive.  When we blame others or something external to us for how we feel, we are actually projecting our helplessness into the world around us, which can be seen every day in life.

The cloak of victim consciousness permanently surrounds NGE and together they can make our life very difficult, if not miserable. The “size” of your NGE will dictate the size and power of your victim consciousness. The NGE programme can be so strong that we become victims of our thinking hindering us from moving forward, and sometimes even being paralysed by it.

As if this is not already a pretty grim story, to matters worse this duo of NGE and Victimhood do not work alone; our brain physiology is wired up to reinforce whatever we believe in, so any negative beliefs are supported and magnified! This also occurs when we are in denial, everyone can see the “not okay” with us, except for ourselves.

Unless we become much more aware of what is going on within brains, we are always being subconsciously swayed to seek or directed to validating data to confirm our lack worthiness through our brain’s filters called the Reticular Activational System (the RAS). Known as cognitive bias, the RAS blinkers us from seeing our positive points, directing us towards our own personal internal dilemma and sometimes trauma.

When this perpetual cycle of negativity is rolling, our helplessness to our thoughts increases, and can be dominated by thoughts of hopeless, further growing and validating our victim consciousness feeding that once little seed of NGE to potentially a gargantuan size. This is the critical mind at its most powerful and most destructive as the paralysis of negativity and depression sets about its destructive work.

Just as a snowball grows as it rolls down a snowy hillside, each rotation of the ball gives it another covering, growing the snowball until it becomes unmanageable. Exactly the same occurs with NGE, with each negative experience we go through, the size of our NGE increases, creating a whole host of other limiting beliefs, which entices and encourages us to remain victims of our thinking.

Unfortunately, with the continual undermining of our self worth and self esteem our confidence naturally falters or can go into a tailspin. (This is why being in denial can be quite uplifting experience in spite of its dysfunctionality. NGE can set up many negative patterns that due to their subtlety can become so familiar for us that we instinctively bond with them. This familiar bonding reinforces the flawed and unstable patterns we live by and sadly, we will keep repeating them throughout our life, until they are noticed and worked on.

It is only once we begin understanding how everything fits together that we can recognise what is going on, and begin dealing with them to create a more balanced approach to our life.

There are literally hundreds of these NGE beliefs and examples of just some of them are on the following pages.

How to have a better life

In order to thrive rather than just survive we instinctively require the same FLUK ingredients that we required when we were young. We need a balanced environment that is trustworthy safe and secure to obtain the fairness we so desire. We want to have meaningful honest relationships with others, free from NGE, shame and judgement that are true, safe and full of Love.

We need to stop accepting life at face value and begin asking questions of it and ourselves to obtain greater Understanding. Finally, we need to stop isolating ourselves, thinking we are the only ones who have pain as we all hurt to some extent or another, and we need to share our story and with others. Only this way we can feel connected and have the Kinship we so desire. 

Unfortunately, without these key nurturing aspects, our basic needs are not met, meaning we grow our core belief that we are Not Good Enough, and consequentially that thought will inevitably pervade and influence many areas of our life.

Broad negative core beliefs or feelings about myself:

    1. Not good enough (I am not safe)                                                  

    2. Not good enough (I don’t belong)                                    

    3. Not good enough (I have no value, I am worthless)                      

    4. Not good enough ( I am powerless)                                             

    5. Not good enough (I am wrong, I am unsure)

    6. Not good enough (My life is out of balance)

    7. Not good enough (I don’t exist; I am nothing) defective?

    8. Not good enough (I am not real)

    9. Not good enough (I am unlovable; unwanted)

    10. Not good enough (I am defective)

    11. Not good enough (I am not whole I have lost my spirit)

    12. Not good enough (I am OK and I buy into my social conditioning)

Within these broad belief patterns, however, are hundreds of different, personal variations. It is when you start to identify your own that things become much clearer about many of the major issues in your life. 

A core belief is always an internal “I” statement as in “I am not lovable”,  “I am  not able to…”. It is never about anything or anyone else as that would become the core of blaming others, and not taking responsibility for yourself. 

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